Hallucinations

As i see the valley tripping from the summit 
i see the pages of life flying in air
flashing my coerced signatures
revealing to skies dreams i was told to copy
to get an A+ in the life's majors

As i see the valley tripping from the summit,
i see moments flashing when i had to submit,
when option to let go was on standby,
everythings turned so blind,
my darkness often probes the fireflies.

As i see the valley tripping from the summit,
fears hold back,
and anxieties lean into the free fall,
wanting me to get closer to the real me,
discover some depth in this shallow sea.

Underbelly of change

Should i break the mirror
Or turn off the lights,

Should i draw the curtains
Or turn on the lights,

Should i scream it out,
Or mumble the tension,

Should i listen a bit,
Or let the eyes fake attention,

Should i erase it hard
Or tear the page,

Should i fiddle the thumb
Or bite the nail in rage

Maybe i should just be….

Nerves

Biting nails,
ripping side skin,
waiting always equal to a sin.

Twitching toes,
drooping shoulders,
face sinking to new lows.

Fiddling pen caps,
pages drowned in overwritten scribble,
mind analysing probable mishaps,

Wandering eye balls,
hours passed since the last blink,
as if butterflies preparing for the eventual fall

Stuck

when i see someone driving their parents to a place

I feel…will i ever be able to navigate my steering that way,

when i see someone getting into relationships,

I feel… will i ever be able to a person that one can count on,

when i see someone taking tough decisions,

I feel… will i ever be able to take one,

when i see, someone taking responsibilities,

I feel….will I ever be able to shoulder the weight,

when i see someone standing up after losses,

I feel.. will i ever be able to take tragedies in stride

Sometimes,

I feel , i have the potential,

Other times,

It is like world is moving,

and am a rock sinking in ground a millimeter more,

with each passing day.

For many,

speed of progress is a concern,

But for me just moving is a nightmare at times